Was it just to hype their new film?

Would you be surprised to see that headline? It seems lately that celebrities resort to the most ridiculous tactics to promote their new films and albums. With competition for news being what it is, the more sensational and outrageous a story hook, the more likely it will find its place on national news shows and in national magazines.

Whitney Houston goes on Oprah with an “exclusive interview” in which she talks about her drug addiction and leaving Bobby Brown. “Oh the horror of our marriage and what was going on behind the scenes,” she said crying, sobbing… “by the way, I have a new album born of my pain. May I sing you a few songs?” And to number one it goes. And since then? Gone—probably back to Bobby, and with her newly minted millions from her album sales… probably crack, too.

Phil Collins (talk about a blast from the past—has he even done anything since the Tarzan Soundtrack?) suddenly appears in Rolling Stone with a shotgun, pick axe, machete, hunting knife and various other antique farm implements laid out on the Persian rug beneath him, looking more like Courage the Cowardly Dog’s owner than a rock god.

From Rolling Stone

“I’ve had thoughts of su-su-suicide and I’m tired of all the people talking about me.” (What people? Didn’t Phil die years ago?) “By the way, I have a new album coming out. It may be my last. You never know. Better go get it.” Oh, that explains it.  Reminds me a lyric from Prince’s Pop Life:

What’s the matter with your life?
Is the poverty bringing you down?
Did the mailman jerk you around?
Did he put your million dollar check in someone else’s box? Tell me.

“No.  I just have an album to sell and talking about suicidal thoughts and paranormal activity seemed the most effective way to relate to this new generation.”

Tyler Perry was next. “I was abused, Oprah! Sexually so. When only a boy…” as the tears stream down his cheeks. “And that’s what gave me the sensitivity to do For Colored Girls… because…well, I was abused just like colored girls who considered suicide when the rainbow wasn’t enough.  I lived it myself. And, yes, it will be in theaters this week packed with all the emotion you see right here before you.”

Some have stories. Others truly live it out. Some seem such a mess that it’s hard to figure out how they even manage to complete any projects at all. I imagine that Lindsay Lohan’s next project is going to be huge.  Brittany Spears’ certainly was. It seemed she was such a wreck before her album came out—shaving her head allegedly over her breakup with Kevin Federline—in and out of various clinics. But that didn’t stop her from putting together one of the best albums of her life. It dropped and everything is great now. Wow. Grammy? VH1 Award? Sure. Thanks. I’m much better. See you next year.

What’s this tell you about Hollywood? Promotion is part of the game. Even Harrison Ford has to drag his dust-farting ass out to worship at the altar of Letterman, Leno, Stewart and Fallon. Harrison can’t even remember what film he was in or what it was about, but he’s there—looking like Han Solo’s grandpappy Dutch Blitz. “Hello everyone. Yes, I’m the guy who played that guy you liked in that movie 25-35 years ago. Hello! Please go see my next movie.” It’s all part of the sell.

Perhaps the one that actually made me laugh was Sting. I caught him on Jon Stewart looking rather annoyed at having to hustle his new CD on TV. But there he was. “I like doing new things,” he said. “I can’t stand playing the same songs year after year—I need to mix it up. That’s why I released this new album with the London Philharmonic Orchestra.”  (He even joked of it being reminiscent of the parody rock band movie This is Spinal Tap where one of the band members thinks his stuff is good enough to have the acoustic versions performed by the London Phil.) And what was the new thing he did with the Philharmonic that he wanted us to run out and buy? The Muzak version of “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” and every other song he did 30 years ago and has been doing “year after year” since. I could have sworn I heard that version in an elevator 25 years ago. Nonetheless, sell that “original” album Sting.

Remember it’s called Show “Business” and no matter how big a star you are, you can never stop being a hustler in Hollywood.

One of the great places to learn lessons about Hollywood is the commentary section of DVDs.  It’s amazing the insights you can gain from filmmakers talking quite innocently about the process of getting the movie made. Sometimes the things they think they’re teaching you about the movie business aren’t what you walk away having learned. In fact, sometimes you can learn things they don’t really want you to know.

Just recently I watched 8 Mile—the Eminem bio film. The film is about rapper Eminem struggling to become a successful recording artist in Detroit by winning rap battles. It follows the exact same format that most “outsider young person struggles to find himself in a strange world” films (Step Up, Stomp the Yard, Drumline, Bring It) follow.

In the DVD extras, there is a section about filming the rap battles themselves.  Particularly, there is a story about how the film’s director and producers decided they wanted to have local rappers actually battle Eminem in order to get a more gritty realism.

The call goes out among the hundred or so extras who made up the crowd during the club and rap battle scenes. Three rappers, the ones who possessed the skills to top a real rap battle in the room, would then be put in the film as star actors featured battling Eminem. This was a chance of a lifetime for these actors who’d only been booked in very low paying extra jobs where their faces would likely never even be seen (see article on being an extra here). Here was a chance to be credited in a major motion picture, to have the camera right in your face and to be able to launch a career in acting.

Dozens of the extras tried out for the roles. Most were rejected out of hand, but quite a few showed promise. Eventually the contestants were whittled down and three lucky and talented ones were chosen. They were very talented too.

One by one, the rapper/actors/contest winners took their positions before Eminem to battle him. Although initially told to save his voice for the dialogue scenes and only to lip sync his comebacks against these rappers, Eminem couldn’t let the taunts in front of the packed room go unanswered. Impressively, true to his character in the film, he improvised clever responses to each rapper—clearly putting them in their place.

So what did we learn from this DVD extra? That Eminem is actually a very good rap battler? Yes. That’s what the film director wanted us to learn. But here’s what we learned that he didn’t want us to learn: After all of the contest—all of the hopes and dreams of each rapper in that room being placed before them—the promise of a starring role in a major motion picture. After winning the contest and being chosen as one of the three actors to battle the star; after filming the battle against Eminem and rejoicing, celebrating and telling all their friends and family about it; after the movie comes out six to nine months later, after all of the anticipation, after buying the popcorn and taking your seat in the theater….

Not a single one of those actors’ battles appeared in the film.  Every single one was cut. Every one. Those actors are not featured anywhere except in the DVD rap battle extras section. But at least they were featured there. Many actors find their roles, in fact, whole characters cut from movies. Where they expected a reel to show agents, managers, casting directors, or at least a credit for their resume, they may get nothing.

Some executive didn’t think the scene was necessary—one battle too many. Or it didn’t work—the lighting was bad, etc. For whatever reason, the film you starred in you no longer star in. The film goes on to be number one at the box-office—oh well, at least it got released. Hundreds of movies get filmed that never even get released.

Welcome to Hollywood. Such things happen here. They don’t always happen, but they do happen. The point is not to discourage you. The point is to make you aware so that, if it does happen, you don’t give up.

Good luck.

TRL